Reflections for 2011 was a process this year human family. I had to sit quiet for a bit because of the pace of this past year. Was it just me? or was it a whirlwind? I had to sit to allow for the experiences to fully sink in. So for the first time wanted to spend New Years alone.
My mother’s house has always been a place where people were able to come and stay if they really needed to; ever since high school. Throughout the years various people have and taken refuge in our house, this year it was nick named the inn. This year it has been on the increase, the need to share space is only going to grow, community. So the ongoing need for community and the further pressures against it has been overwhelming, and alienation and disconnection has put much pressure on families. This alienation and disconnection has been mentally draining, this year I was at time at a lose at having the tools to support friends in this strain. What does this have on our mental health, these pressure effects ups greatly emotionally and as this disconnection I began to feel more and more at the end of the year. Space has been an ongoing theme through my thoughts this year.
January
The passing of 2010 I passed through New years celebrations and ended up with what I like to call in it; post burn out sickness and looks at that… 2011 here I am with the same sickness, pattern.. well yes. Lessons sometimes takes a full circle around the sun to fully sink in, knowledge is not doesn’t flow linear, it needs to turn around in your head, like how we have to pass through weather patterns, and seasons. So last year I was forced to sit still by with my sickness, and here I have to do it again.
Before the holidays I had the idea that I should try to go to Haiti, to follow the story back to the ground to the Displacement Camps, during the my forced stillness of the sickness, I wanted to get there for the anniversary, although that was over zealous with that first push probably didn’t get the funds till February.
At the top of 2011, working as a freelancer there is a trade off were flexibility to be creative on your terms that is why I like it, although living pay check to pay check, and most the time it is behind, storytelling within a capitalistic system this privilege is only given to some, so making money has to be found do other things. At the top of the year, I was faced with a decision about accepting payment from a certain bureaucracy, that was in my mind had a lack of transparency so refused it. I know it might sound little, but looking back on it it wasn’t, it burst some of my naïvety a bit. But with that decision part of my possible income for Haiti disappeared. And the line of credit that I had to be in its stead, one evil to the next I suppose.
I was taking care of Sabina while Alejandro was at his course, and Miriam was at work. Looking after her three time a week, while I was fundraising, rewriting synopsis while she was sleeping. And I can understand how children focuses work time. That time with her looking back helped the team getting to Haiti.
The past year, I wanted to reconnect with community radio again, so before the holidays I answered a call out to join the Vibe Collective, met Jamaias, in Kensington to join the round table discussion talk show hour of the 2 hour slot on time slot on Saturdays, on CIUT 89.5fm, so I was so excited to join the team and had my first show on the first show back from Holidays.
February
Now to say that my relationship with technology i is tenuous is to state it lightly. This year has been a general breakdown of all my technology. So I was on the MegaBus to New York, happy that I was able be online throughout the trip as well as the ability to edit throughout the night, I was still fundraising, I was able to . and gaining my goal was to raise all the plane tickets, but I was continuing to fundraise to get additional sound equipment and additional camera. The MegaBus reached the border, went into customs. An hour later we re-boarded the bus and I text my mother that I passed through customs like she requested. I then got really into editing for my last fundraising push, and the current working title (Displacement Camps). I had to send the email, but there was a hole MegaBus where there are no Satallittes I suppose for the online service, so I look for my BlackBerry and can’t find it? Now it is the process of taking everything out of my knapsack, look on the floor, ask people in front and behind, look in my bag again. Where did it go? Yep I must be the first to lose there phone on a moving bus, did someone take it… so crazy right.
I arrive in Manhattan early in the morning, I already knew I had to sit around the city till I got a hold of Kimmers. The bus stopped in front of the Starbucks which had internet, and thank you google phone, call Rogers my provider at the time and report my lost/ but I think stolen phone. Get a temporary phone and people watch in Starbucks till I get a hold of Kim. True Story.
A week later, I was packing my bags to go to Haiti, The next four weeks will direct the rest of my year. Ongoing work that will continue into this year, and hope will the universe will give me the time, resources and the hands that is needed to see the completion of the Diaspora Travels to Haiti. I am so excited to have a chuck of time to complete more of the editing.
I have had my momemts of radicalization but it seems like I have a major one every decade, Seems right that this decade it is Ayiti. The lessons that I was learnt with every moment there I will carry with me a lifetime. The people I meet will hopefully building will continue.
March
On my return after landing atJFK and the mis-steps on where to stay I rode the subway downtown. I am actually excited to spend a solitary night alone. I was really tired, in this cubby hole of a room and hungry I venture into the bright lights. Looking in the intersection, fast food joints on every corner, the contrast coming from Port au Prince can’t be more clear. I find myself eating alone in a room in Manhattan, turn on the tv to find Keeping Up with the Kardashians reality show which firmly puts me in the realm of the surreal.
I came back to Toronto, settling back to City North American pace took a lot longer to adapt to Fonds Parisien, small town outside of the Port au Prince, where we stayed part of the time. I decided to go visit my Brother in Ottawa. Emile was living a hermit lifestyle up in cold Ottawa, due to his utter dislike of the city, in fact despising it. As I a solitary nomad, my brother is that solitary hermit, which is typical scorpio behavior which I have learnt from growing up amongst 3 of them. So we watched various cooking shows and drank wine, a typical brother behaviour. Give thanks to my Brother Emile Francis.
When I came back to reality in toronto, started promptly looking for work, as well as editing the Haiti footage. I was starting to think about Hot Docs and wanting to attend it as an Industry Member. The biggest problem in the past with working at Hot Docs, the last few times, was the lack of time to push your current projects you are working on, so I wanted to attain a Networking Pass with the festival instead of working in the festival.
April
I worked on editing Seraphine’s Story for first blog of the production, because of how powerful her story was. It took a lot out of me because of the translation subtitling work that I had to do before the edit, the time flip took longer than I thought. But I did it and moved on preparing the package for Hot Docs. With her story I got a couple of requests for interviews, the first with San Kofa up at CHRY and then CKLN at Saturday Morning Live with Norman Otis Richmond.
April 16th I went into the radio station in the Student Centre at Ryerson, I wouldn’t have missed I have been listening to Saturday Morning Live, well a long time. But it was the day after that CKLN was pulled off the air. After the Interview around my experience in Haiti, got to know JP and Norman, both wonder the future of the show. The shock of the possibility of the show will be no longer, I joined the Saturday Morning Live team.
LifeMovement since the end of KRSone Symposium that happened in 2009, the group has gone through ups and downs, which major pressures of life on the various members, we came together to do something for Hip Hop Appreciation, so in that prep we began to meet with other groups and partnered with Barrio Neuvo, and agreed to collaborate on a show at Blue Moon, downtown. Not the most well attended event but learnt that ReadNext Poety Squad was connected to Oja (The Diaspora Travels Team) down in New York. 2011 was about connecting people, connect dot, completing circles.
Ezili Danto I have been follow from a far for a long time and she was coming to speak at York University. So I went up to York University to connect with her in person, I ended up documenting her speaking series, and promised to stay in touch, hope that universe will allow more time to connect further.
Since Ilene Sova moved to Toronto we have been imagining Artist Friendly Cultural Space, a space which is a space for artists across disciplines to be completely encouraged to collaborate without the bureaucracy of Art Institutions, one that is totally flexible for them to create events that would push boundaries of their art, as well showcase, and train artists that would support them professionally and get paid for their work, a truly collaborative and professional supportive space. With the lack of Event performance space, that is Give thanks every year on thinking in imagining how Artists can better work together.
May
Hot Docs was in full swing at the beginning of May. I used my opportunity of my Networking Pass and did as many Hot Docs panels as I could. Now I have known that it was hard to make films but the overwhelming feeling of the uphill path I had for The Diaspora Travels: Haiti, was even more clear.
I began working with Ellen Curtis at Peace Theatre, where I was coordinating a group through the filmmaking Process for the next few month every week, it is funny how I still feel nervous when working with new group of youth.
After Hot Docs wanted to thank all those who gave to the first trip to Haiti. At Walnut Studios, supporters came together to screen new footage that I was working on, and to skype with the crew: in Haiti, New York and all the way in British Columbia. I want to thank all who have supported the project and hope you will continue following this journey that the team is taking.
Walnut Studios had our Spring Open House, right to the next Event was opportunity to work with Ear2Much Collective where there was a Art show reinturpratation of photos of Ma Dukes visit that happened in February. Thank you to all the Artist I met, as well as to the Collective, and wish them well in all their future events.
After that I was off straight on a trip to Detroit with Fran, Meghan and Quincy, wanted to start developing a film around the Detroit music cuture, but for this trip, it is the Movement: Detroit Electronic Music Festival. The lesson of this trip is that Graffiti is sometimes is not worth it, as well as a dj is born everyday. I want to thank Michael and Katie, for being our lovely Detroit resident hosts and for the Big D Love.
June
Continue to work at the Peace Theatre, and go from contract to contract, and like routine my body is starting to feel the beginnings of the mid year burn out. It was then my annual birthday Community drop in at my mother’s house, because of the success of last year, it was 2 days long. I combined the party with Motu who is also a June baby so it was a dual Celebration. It was a hang out in my backyard, I want to thank on those who came this help me push the till the end of the year.
I tried with the party to push through Burn out, but I found my self in it. Also I the hard drive with the Haiti footage, was not mounting. Now I have been through this before, because my calm was unbelievable. Due to my past experience decided to investigate my way in fixing it myself, because it might take longer but the skill I will probably need in the future.
This is Summer Baby birthday party jumping and this was the last time I was able to hang out with friends and last time I saw Michael and Amandeep and their Baby daughter.
July
I have been following artist online since the days of Myspace, and those days I had contacted Gabriel Teodros about 6 years ago around youth work, (also I was maybe going to Seattle) when I was going out west to Vancouver. And he was performing on the Island with the 88Days fab people. It is interesting how things connect really you think I wouldn’t be surprised anymore, but they do. Everything is so connected. Anyway, lovely interview about his trip to Ethiopia and ended up supporting in fundraising video for his next album called Coloured People’s Time Machine. Out of those discussions this is what questions came up.
Time is Relative.. not just pertaining to the speed Light.. Then we truly think about time- Thoughts fly through our mind probably the same way light travels through space. I was thinking of nerons in our brains, going off like star explosions in the universe, so does our perception of time mirror light travel?
It seem Norman gets burnt out twice a year two and was fed up with Ckln, and I said why do we just take some time off until we move into Regent, as Ckln gets evicted out of Ryerson.
August
I was able to fix the hard drive, with just reinserting it into a new case, a be sigh of a relief. So I wanted to connect with Caribbean Tales around the Haiti project, it is funny as I recall how the first meeting was requested my me or them, but by the end of the meeting I was going to coordinated filmmakers coming to participate in TIFF industry, and to make their project industry ready. I was excited, meeting filmmakers from the Caribbean.
September
The Caribbean Tales Market Incubator, which just blew my mind. If people thought film was a hill of work, after the incubator I realized it was actually a Mountain. I though felt less crazy and want to thank all those filmmakers I met during the incubator, and think of you all the time, although too much under work that unable to contact regularly. Toronto International Film Festival was my first time at, and it is a mammoth festival, and quite intimidating, and to go with the filmmakers from the Caribbean couldn’t be a better experience. I would like to thank Frances Anne and Courtney for the opportunity.
I redid my website through the process: www.docuvixen.com and redid The Diaspora Travels: Haiti blog, www.thediasporatravelshaiti.wordpress.com . What I learnt this year that filmmaker is really website building, should I take a course?
I have been on the jury for Brazilian Film & TV Festival of Toronto for the 4th time, there were a lot of films. I began watching them, I really enjoyed it this year. It was interesting going from attending a festival as a filmmaker in development of a project, to being on a jury, from the beginning stages to the end, quite quickly. I want to thank Barbara for always asking me and having my name in the logo reel on big screen at TIFF Lightbox, it is motivation. and that reminds me I need a logo.
After the Film Festival, out of routine ended up documenting the Manifesto Community and Culture Festival. I probably shouldn’t of done that but with my new website wanted content, once I launched it. So I was at shows which you will slowly throughout the year.
October
With the lovely connection to Caribbean Tales, I had applied for a UNESCO conference in Igualada in Spain for Film Producers. I was able to go because of the Diaspora Travels: Haiti, and the work that had done through the project. So like a whirlwind I was traveling on the subway through Barcelona up North of the city in Catalonia Region. Traveling outside of the city, I really thought I was traveling through parts of Don Quixote. The overwhelming feeling returned around the process of making films. No wonder only a few crazy people do this for a lifetime. I want to thank Sara and all the lovely filmmakers I met, I think about you daily and wonder about you projects monthly. LOVE.
So I came home and the reality of just working on a film since february sunk in, my Phone went cut off, and I began to start to look for work, along with the others around me. You forget about the job market when you are making a film.
Walnut Studios had the 4th year Anniversary, following week we had Walnut Studios Loft Screening which was inspired by Michelle D Whit thank you Michelle for reminding me why film is so important in inspiring people.
I was in a creative block though, just night in front of the footage, I couldn’t edit. This was horrible for any artist, but compiled with debt and bills there is downward spiral that happens.
Since I made my first film I had an idea for a tattoo, but I was waiting for the artist to actually design it. I met Greg at Walnut Studios a really talented Painter and Graphic Artist, so when he became a tattoo artist two years later, I told him the idea, this month I found the design in my inbox one morning, loved it instantly, and at the end of the month, I was sitting down for my first session. Thank you Greg for your work.
Also began working with The Tomato Project: still thinking how can make film workshops more compact. I learnt teaching youth to edit video with 8 hours really hard.
November
This month was the realization of a lot of things, you know when you realized you haven’t seen your friends in a year. Burn out was beginning to set in, and realizations on what kind of personalities I can really build with. The End of the month, Walnut Studios Had their Christmas Open House, I was up for the whole night before finally on a roll editing, always to the nose editing. I non the less after an hour nap got up to go to Regent for Saturday Morning Live, and had a panel on the Vibe Collective with Ilene Sova, Aaron Li-Hill, and Myk Miranda of the T.dot Renaissance about how does community inform your work? I really took a lot from the show, and want to thank you for it.
It is amazing that I was able to get through the day barely, I got wonderful feedback from the views of “The Earthship Tour” and gave me great motivation on why I am doing this again. For all those who came to the loft and showed me love. Thanks again, and stay tuned to ongoing blog snipits of the production.
My Tattoo was completely healed.
December
So to end it is burn out, a cycle I hope to stop repeating human family. The biggest lessons of this year of Online Disconnect. The last part of the year, the isolation that was around the city sunk in with the winter. The in behind the screen became more and more alienating. All those who have felt isolated in this city, can you imagine all those who have felt the same at the same time. That feels awlful, I know cause I have felt it. This year was about getting becoming comfortable with my solitude, because I can do it but at times, I break down from it.
As I went towards the new year, and I as sat with my Aunt and Mother sick, like all my tired from the year has built into after holiday sickness, I realize that letting go of moments that have past you also have to accept the current moment you are in. We are in 2012. Let’s now build it.
